Orenda

The one line intro… When you are trying to be someone you are not, you spend excess energy to remember your fake persona, which in turn causes exhaustion.

The long story… But made short (literally).

Hi, meet Pam. Pam is an introverted homebody, who enjoys her peace, silence and solitude. But since she started her new job she had to attend work parties and networking events most nights. She had to smile, smile and smile. Laugh at lame jokes and often spend hours away from her little pup. Everyone liked Pam, she was the first to cover for someone, she was the first to plan a party, she was the first to take extra work etc.

But Pam was not happy. Outside her home she was living everyone’s dream life. But once she got home, it was her couch, her and doom scrolling. Why? Because Pam was living a life that was not her’s. She forgot to draw the lines and set boundaries.

Meet Dexter, he is an outgoing, extroverted, leader of the party kind of person. But after joining his new college he has become a different person altogether. His classmates were studious and everyone had plans for late night studies and not late night parties. Dexter enjoyed balancing his studies and outings. He enjoyed the adrenaline rush that the last minute preparations gave. But now his days were tied to books, because he didn’t want to feel like a waste of time.

Although his days and nights were taken over by books Dexter’s marks began to go downhill. He always felt like an alien and that this world was not for him. His energy was gone, he would snap without provocation and everything felt like a burden. Why? Because Dexter was trying to do things the way everyone else around him was doing it. He was trying to be someone he was not.

Dexter too forgot to draw the lines and set his boundaries.

The story of You…

If the above story feels vaguely or precisely similar, don’t worry that is what most of our lives feel like these days. Why? Because you forgot to draw lines and set your boundaries. You let your circumstances and environment dictate who you are.

Although the above stories were about two extreme cases- a homebody and a party animal, it need not be. You have certain limits that you tolerate and don’t. You have certain expectations about yourself and your life.

I am not telling you to go to a hospital and blare pop music at full volume. I am talking about balancing; about not losing you while trying to fit in or climbing your career ladder.

The Solution…

1. Find yourself. Take a pen and a paper and write down your deepest feelings, how you would be if no one was there to watch you, how you wish to spend your time, your ideal day, your ideal career, your boundaries and everything that comes to your mind about being you (this list mustn’t be about pleasing someone else or to hold up to some standards).
2. Find the non-negotiable. From the list find out what are the things that you want to hold onto at all times. What are the things that you don’t tolerate from yourself when you are with others.
3. Finding balance. Although we are individuals, we live with other beings. So, although I might want to shout at the top of my lungs at midnight I must respect others. Here comes the balance, it is completely okay wanting to hug every other person you meet. But take into account how they feel about it, hug those that enjoy it, let others be themselves.
4. Gradual incorporation. The people around you might know a version of you that is not the real you. So your journey to Authenticity might come as a shock to them. Bring in the changes gradually and communicate openly how you feel about things.
5. Let them be them and you be you. Not everyone is gonna like your change. Some will want the old you who they could walk all over or call anytime. There will be snark comments and remarks about being selfish, being a nuisance, about how you changed etc, etc. Let those people be, those that love you will want the best for you.

Seeeee, being yourself is that simple. It starts with knowing yourself who you are and ends with being fine with being disliked.

To keep in mind…

Being you shouldn’t hurt the other beings around. If being you is like being the Baroness from Cruella, what meaning is there to living.

Don’t simply follow what is trending, but follow what feels home.

Who you are is unique. And there is a reason why you are you. Embody that power.

Everyone has strengths and flaws.

As you let yourself be you, the brain has lesser conflicts to deal with. There is an inner sense of pride and happiness in getting to be who we are. Eventually the burnout goes… You start loving life and living life.

Thank you.

Keep thinking…

Keep Shining…

BE THE CHANGE 💕